They were leaving a little after 11pm to head down to the Foundation which is only 3 blocks from my apt. It was raining and I decided I wanted to walk in it with them down to the bar and then walk back.
We got outside and I immediately took off my flip flops. I've been reading Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis and one of my favorite parts is when it talks about the moments you realize you are standing on holy ground. Moments that you can't do anything but go barefoot because God is there and God is real and the beauty around you calls for your feet to be one with the ground. It's such a beautiful illustration of recognizing God's presence in all things and being humbled by it so much that you just have to take off your shoes.
I walked smack in the middle of Harney St., a one-way street heading due East. I threw my head back and danced. With my flip flops in hand, and spiraled curls twisting more with every drop, I was a child. The bible speaks about faith like a child, and I want that. And I want to enjoy life like a child. Children don't worry about when the next paycheck is coming, where they will go to college, what they will do with their life, or if someone likes them or not. They. Are. Free.
And so this life in Omaha is me - with faith like a child. Taking a leap without knowing when I'll hit the ground. It is the most incredibly awesome ride I have been on in so long. I just feel alive. God has been so faithful in restoring my heart each day that I awake by His grace. It it not happiness - it is joy, and I am peaceful. It is a steady rhythm of grace that flows through my soul despite grieving and confusion and wondering. Life with God is like a scary roller coaster ride, but you get to scream with excitement the entire time.
So I left The Foundation and I walked back in the middle of the street again. This time talking out loud to Jesus. It was a simple prayer, but more just a conversation, like with an old friend.
I said, "Lord, I know You know what I miss when I walk through this rain, but thank You for being bigger than the intensity with which I long for it. Thank you for taking this rain and washing me clean with Your love. Thank you for taking me out of that which I was too weak to move away from by my own strength. Thank You for loving me too much to let me stay where I was. Your love is better than life."
I turned back to look at the stop lights behind me, changing to green from red one by one.
"Lord, I don't want to leave this moment."
I shivered (because I am ALWAYS cold). I laughed out loud,
"Ok, now I do. Thank You that I'm always cold. Someone once told me 'cold hands, warm heart,' and I want that warmth to show others Your love."
I reached my apartment, soaking wet, with the biggest smile from ear to ear. His love really is better than life.
And to Kelly: "This is me appreciating life!"