tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84573699040213841742024-02-02T11:38:34.619-08:00Confessions of a [Recovering] ShopaholicShannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-52215447278210499372013-12-11T20:51:00.000-08:002013-12-11T21:58:35.296-08:00Spiders in the Shower<div>
I haven't written in awhile, but I received a text early this morning from a good friend in Denver that reminded me that what I have to say is worth sharing. He visited me last September, shortly after I had moved to Salt Lake City. He rode his motorcycle over 500 miles through sun, wind, and rain just to get here. It was a true blessing.</div>
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Ryan is an artist, and his text this morning was a picture of his latest 4'x4' painting telling me that he's taking the advice I gave him when he visited last year: "Be bold." Against the strong winds of 2013, I seem to have forgotten that I could've said something like that - and more so, that I could've inspired someone else. Especially an artist.</div>
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I meant to be bold with colors, but I also meant in life.</div>
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I needed that reminder this morning.</div>
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Tonight while I was showering, a small spider dropped from the basement ceiling and landed up high on the adjacent wall to where I was standing. I have to admit - I don't like spiders much. I've squashed quite a few in my lifetime. But I found myself perplexed as I resisted the urge to do what I've done a hundred times before, and instead watch the spider try to crawl back up the wall against the resistance of condensation. The spider barely hung on as it made progress measured by millimeters. Every so often, all of the progress it had made was lost because it would slip - tripling the distance it had to go to make up for the lost gains.</div>
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<i>I could relate</i>.</div>
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The last six months I've experienced (and continue to experience) physical injury, heartbreak, financial burdens, and trying to die to my old self. I feel defeated. I don't know what it would feel like to not have a broken body, a broken heart, and tens of thousands of dollars of debt. And all at the same time. The healing process is a slow one, and broken bodies, hearts, and debt spreadsheets don't fix themselves overnight. But, when will the healing come? I would take just one improvement at this point.</div>
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As the spider struggled, I even found myself wondering how it felt. Its legs were shaking just trying to keep in one place. The incline it was facing was literally straight up and down. Was it scared? Did it want to give up? We all have our uphill battles - they're unique to each of us. But as I face my own battle, I realize I've been doing it by my own strength and somewhat alone. I'm not letting people see me struggle - I'm not admitting to what I'm afraid of. And that's not what Jesus died for. He died to remind us that its not our strength that overcomes the darkness, and we don't have to be alone in the midst of the everyday struggles.</div>
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While I came to the realization that I need to let people in again, I reflected on my friend Micah who died in August. After he died, I remember wanting to know everything about everyone. That's how Micah lived his life. He cared about every detail about everyone with which he came into contact. I wanted to know people's favorite color, what city they were born in, and what their biggest fear was.</div>
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What is your biggest fear? If you know what it is, do you know <i>why</i> it is? And if someone asked you what it was, would you tell them?</div>
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Vulnerability is hard. It wasn't always that way for me. But after being burned so many times, it's easy to retreat and decide it would be better to not take the risk. It's "easier" to give up and say, "What's the point?" The problem with that option is that it leads to a heart that gets harder. A heart that stops feeling compassion for the brokenness around it. A heart that loses its ability to love well.</div>
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<i>To love at all is to be vulnerable</i>.</div>
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I got out of the shower and opened the bathroom door. The fresh air helped to dry the walls within a few minutes. When I came back in, I saw the spider crawling with more ease as it climbed its way to the top, finding refuge on a narrow wooden ledge.</div>
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I have to admit that was the first spider I haven't killed - maybe ever. Having compassion for a spider might mean that I've officially lost it. It's possible.</div>
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But, I do know one thing I learned from the spider tonight:<br />
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Keep going.<br />
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Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-3737125837156052932012-03-29T08:40:00.008-07:002012-03-29T09:05:21.912-07:00One Day at a TimeI have been reading the daily devotional book <i>Jesus Calling</i> every day so far this year, and while each one is impactful, I couldn't help but share today's entire reading. This month has been so much about taking each day as it comes, relinquishing all control to God, and watching as He so carefully crafts my life into a perfect melody that sings of His goodness.<div><br /></div><div>Worrying is in our nature. We've been worrying since the fall of man in Genesis. What I have found so beautiful about this is how much it causes me to rely on God. He already knows what my future holds, the choices I will make in my next moment, and despite fumbling and falling - He loves me. </div><div><div><br /></div><div><b>March 29th</b>:</div><div><br /></div><div>"Stop trying to work things out before their times have come. Accept the limitations of living one day at a time. When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it is part of today's agenda. If it isn't, release it into My care and go on about today's duties. When you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: <i>a time for everything, and everything in its time</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div>A life lived close to Me is not complicated or cluttered. When your focus is on My Presence, many things that once troubled you lose their power over you. Though the world around you is messy and confusing, remember that <i>I have overcome the world. I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have Peace</i>."</div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>May you know how great, deep, and everlasting the love of God is for you. I'm finding that in the moments of my overwhelming gratitude - staring in awe at the blue sky and mountains, smiling at the joy of a young child, closing my eyes and burning moments of laughter with friends into my memory - His love is felt most deeply.</div><div><br /></div><div>Take in the moments of today. Be present. Be alive in the now. Good or bad, a heart filled with gratitude can let go of the worry tomorrow brings. <i>The very hairs on your head are known in number. So do not be afraid, for you are more valuable to God than an entire flock of sparrows (Luke 12:7).</i></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>.</div>Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-16815976753581345192012-03-10T08:29:00.013-08:002012-03-11T08:22:06.291-07:00Continued Lessons on Self-Awareness<div><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;">“You've always been what you are. That's not new. What you'll get used to is knowing it.”</span></b></div><div><b><br /></b></div><div> - <i>Cassandra Clare</i></div><div><br /></div>As many of you know, I'm a people person. Through and through. In just the past couple of weeks, I've been having a few more "ah-ha" moments about how this shapes who I am and how it impacts other people. As a former employee of Gallup, I have learned and come to understand the importance of leveraging my strengths. But until recently, I've seemed to forget that I can use my strengths to have an intensely positive impact on the world around me.<div><br /></div><div>If you've never taken the Gallup StrengthsFinder test, I recommend it. When I took this test 2 1/2 years ago, I wasn't necessarily surprised about what they identified as my top 5 strengths. In fact, I laughed out loud with each sentence, wondering how something could be so spot-on. All of my top 5 strengths are people-related. And just last night I was talking with a friend, wondering if my job is really making an impact - because at the end of the day, sometimes I feels like all I'm doing is selling clothes to people. And in the past year, this has become less and less important to me. <i>Recovering shopaholic</i>, remember? But in re-reading these strengths this morning, I realized that maybe I am making an impact. In my current role, I am a teacher and an encourager. And this job is teaching me how to refine those skills to help me continue to grow. As a business person, and just simply as a human being.</div><div><br /></div><div>This post is in part to share my top 5 strengths, as identified by Gallup. But it is also a reminder to myself to take a step back and really remember who I am, and that I was created this way on purpose. God knit me in the womb, knowing I would be a crazy, intensely passionate redhead, knowing I would snort when I laugh, knowing I would care deeply and intimately about the people around me. He knew that I would be positive to a fault - desiring for my glass to be overflowing every second - that I would be impatient, that I would desire to get to know every human being I meet on an intimate level, and that I would want to carry the burdens of others who are hurting. </div><div><br /></div><div>I don't have this all down, I'm learning each and every day. But this journey I am on is unique, exciting, and filled with adventure.</div><div><br /></div><div>So leverage your strengths. Discover what sets you on fire. And then go spread it everywhere you go.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>My Top 5:</i></div><div><br /></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 19px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div id="content_start" class="headings" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><div class="headingsi" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><h1 style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(227, 114, 34); line-height: 1.15em; font-family:Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">1. Activator</span></span></h1></div></div><div class="content " style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><div id="pagingwrapper" class="cmsbody clearfix" style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><p style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 1em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 1.5em; ">"When can we start?" This is a recurring question in your life. You are impatient for action. You may concede that analysis has its uses or that debate and discussion can occasionally yield some valuable insights, but deep down you know that only action is real. Only action can make things happen. Only action leads to performance. Once a decision is made, you cannot not act. Others may worry that "there are still some things we don't know," but this doesn't seem to slow you. If the decision has been made to go across town, you know that the fastest way to get there is to go stoplight to stoplight. You are not going to sit around waiting until all the lights have turned green. Besides, in your view, action and thinking are not opposites. In fact, guided by your Activator theme, you believe that action is the best device for learning. You make a decision, you take action, you look at the result, and you learn. This learning informs your next action and your next. How can you grow if you have nothing to react to? Well, you believe you can't. You must put yourself out there. You must take the next step. It is the only way to keep your thinking fresh and informed. The bottom line is this: You know you will be judged not by what you say, not by what you think, but by what you get done. This does not frighten you. It pleases you.</p><p style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 1em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 1.5em; "><br /></p></div></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 19px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div id="content_start" class="headings" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><div class="headingsi" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><h1 style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(227, 114, 34); line-height: 1.15em; font-family:Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">2. Woo</span></span></h1></div></div><div class="content " style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><div id="pagingwrapper" class="cmsbody clearfix" style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><p style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 1em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 1.5em; ">Woo stands for winning others over. You enjoy the challenge of meeting new people and getting them to like you. Strangers are rarely intimidating to you. On the contrary, strangers can be energizing. You are drawn to them. You want to learn their names, ask them questions, and find some area of common interest so that you can strike up a conversation and build rapport. Some people shy away from starting up conversations because they worry about running out of things to say. You don't. Not only are you rarely at a loss for words; you actually enjoy initiating with strangers because you derive satisfaction from breaking the ice and making a connection. Once that connection is made, you are quite happy to wrap it up and move on. There are new people to meet, new rooms to work, new crowds to mingle in. In your world there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet -- lots of them.</p></div></div></span></div></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 19px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div id="content_start" class="headings" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><div class="headingsi" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><h1 style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(227, 114, 34); line-height: 1.15em; font-family:Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">3. Empathy</span></span></h1></div></div><div class="content " style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><div id="pagingwrapper" class="cmsbody clearfix" style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><p style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 1em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 1.5em; ">You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person's perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person's predicament -- this would be sympathy, not Empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings -- to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you.</p><p style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 1em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 1.5em; "><br /></p></div></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 19px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div id="content_start" class="headings" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><div class="headingsi" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><h1 style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(227, 114, 34); line-height: 1.15em; font-family:Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">4. Positivity</span></span></h1></div></div><div class="content " style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><div id="pagingwrapper" class="cmsbody clearfix" style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><p style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 1em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 1.5em; ">You are generous with praise, quick to smile, and always on the lookout for the positive in the situation. Some call you lighthearted. Others just wish that their glass were as full as yours seems to be. But either way, people want to be around you. Their world looks better around you because your enthusiasm is contagious. Lacking your energy and optimism, some find their world drab with repetition or, worse, heavy with pressure. You seem to find a way to lighten their spirit. You inject drama into every project. You celebrate every achievement. You find ways to make everything more exciting and more vital. Some cynics may reject your energy, but you are rarely dragged down. Your Positivity won't allow it. Somehow you can't quite escape your conviction that it is good to be alive, that work can be fun, and that no matter what the setbacks, one must never lose one's sense of humor.</p><p style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 1em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 1.5em; "><br /></p></div></div></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 19px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div id="content_start" class="headings" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><div class="headingsi" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><h1 style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(227, 114, 34); line-height: 1.15em; font-family:Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif;"><span style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border- color:initial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;">5. Relator</span></span></h1></div></div><div class="content " style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><div id="pagingwrapper" class="cmsbody clearfix" style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; "><p style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 1em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 1.5em; ">Relator describes your attitude toward your relationships. In simple terms, the Relator theme pulls you toward people you already know. You do not necessarily shy away from meeting new people -- in fact, you may have other themes that cause you to enjoy the thrill of turning strangers into friends -- but you do derive a great deal of pleasure and strength from being around your close friends. You are comfortable with intimacy. Once the initial connection has been made, you deliberately encourage a deepening of the relationship. You want to understand their feelings, their goals, their fears, and their dreams; and you want them to understand yours. You know that this kind of closeness implies a certain amount of risk -- you might be taken advantage of -- but you are willing to accept that risk. For you a relationship has value only if it is genuine. And the only way to know that is to entrust yourself to the other person. The more you share with each other, the more you risk together. The more you risk together, the more each of you proves your caring is genuine. These are your steps toward real friendship, and you take them willingly.</p><p style="font-size: 13px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 1em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 1.5em; "><br /></p></div></div></span>Surprised?</div><div><br /></div><div>Yeah, me either :)</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>.</div>Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-6120784560683760952012-02-22T09:22:00.006-08:002012-02-22T10:46:38.207-08:00More Than 40 DaysLent.<div><br /></div><div>For some, it is a time to give something up for 40 days. Something tangible. And probably something that will come back when this time is over. </div><div><br /></div><div>In years past I have tried to give up things like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Facebook</span>, shopping, or sugar. Just typing that makes me feel ridiculous. Why? Because after that 40 days was over, all I did was eat cupcakes, spend hours on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Facebook</span>, or spend $300 on my credit card in one stop at the mall. I didn't learn anything. I spent 40 days counting down when I could go back to my old ways. And what benefit was it to anyone else, or even to myself, to try to and "sacrifice" for 40 days? Does <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">abstaining from</span> sugar help others? Does it really help myself? </div><div><br /></div><div>But what if I decided to <i>do</i> something for 40 days. What if I decided to <i>give</i> something away?</div><div><br /></div><div>I have struggled with my finances for as long as I can remember. Until age 20, I was hardly in want or need of anything. My parents lived in a nice house, drove nice cars, and would put money in my account every month. They leased a new car for me when I was 18 because I had gotten a soccer scholarship to go and pay for most of my education. My dad has always been the frugal one, saving more money than my mom wanted. But in October 2006 when my mom lost her job, and the only income our family had at the time, things started to change. My parents kept me in the dark until after New Year's when I wondered why my mom wasn't going to work after the holidays were over. I had no idea, because Christmas was the same as always, and I had gotten everything I asked for. The next 3 years included phone calls to me at school preparing me for the possibility that they might lose the house. This wasn't what I had remembered from high school.</div><div><br /></div><div>But what developed in me was so strange. I went out and got a job at Gap in January 2007, and spent most of my income on clothes. Suddenly, I was trying to make up for what my parents could not provide. And I spiraled out of control to obtain so many material things, that my closet was overflowing. I sit here today paying interest on $13,000 of out of control spending. Finances are so personal, but I am really over the mentality that I should keep that private.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have debt. I've made mistakes. A <i>lot</i> of them. Who's hasn't? So why do we still hide?</div><div><br /></div><div>In just the last week, God has pressed upon my heart that now is the time to change directions. If I don't make the choice now, I will probably spend the rest of my life in this hole. I am at a crossroads. And for the first time ever, I am truly <b>listening</b>.</div><div><br /></div><div>At church this past Sunday night, the sermon was about money. I sat in my chair, shifting positions every few minutes, signaling my discomfort. When I finally sat still, I felt my heart open up and sat there vulnerable and broken. Jay showed us a clip from Dave Ramsey's teaching - and some parts I could hardly keep it together. He said that to get out of debt, we must attack with with gazelle-like INTENSITY. He said, "Darlin', you can wander into debt, but honey you can't wander out of it. You have to <b>run</b>." The tears started to well up. I've been a competitor my whole life in sports - having been wired by God as a passionate and intense individual - and here I am being defeated by clothes.</div><div><br /></div><div>Dave painted a picture of how we don't come to God with our garbage because we think that He'll look at us and be mad at the choices we've made. Dave said, "But instead, the truth is that you're deeply in debt, and God in heaven is <i>crazy</i> about you." I couldn't help but lose it. The last thing he said was, "If you want to do one thing to prepare for your marriage, <b>get out of debt</b>." With a seemingly impossible pile of credit card debt, I wish I could say to whoever that man will be, I've made these mistakes but I'm making the choice today to honor God with my money. </div><div><br /></div><div>Have I mentioned that I owe the government $1,514 by April 17th? There is so much hope, if only I would just turn my gaze to heaven.</div><div><br /></div><div>After church, a group of us headed to a friend's house to enjoy some spaghetti. I met a few new people there, having some of the most real and genuine conversations I have ever had. Our friend's aunt was diagnosed with terminal cancer and he was hosting people to try and raise $100 to send to his aunt's family so they could go out to a nice meal and not have to worry about money. As he stood up in front of us and shared this, I was so moved by how open he was to people in the room, some he didn't even know. He emphasized that his main hope was that everyone who came could just simply enjoy the company of others and eat some spaghetti. I gave all of the cash I had in my wallet. I didn't even look to see how much it was, I just emptied it.</div><div><br /></div><div>I had finally seen clearly: <i>giving is everything.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>Giving without hesitation, giving without strings attached - giving so freely, that your heart is overflowing simply from the sacrifice.</div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>And so God has pressed upon my heart, this season of Lent, I am to give. Every week when that paycheck comes in, I am to tithe first. The whole 10% of my income. Every week for 40 days. I am <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;">going to give freely, and let God take care of the rest. After all, nothing I have is my own. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..." </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;">Jesus Christ has paid the greatest debt of all on my behalf. He is surely able to give me strength enough to pay off the debts I have built for myself. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:100%;">Give. Sacrifice. And see what happens.</span></div><div><br /></div><div>May you know that you are loved by God.</div><div>May you know that there is nothing He cannot repair.</div><div>And may you give so freely, that the angels sing over what you have done.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>.</div>Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-90487992094776652992011-11-22T13:03:00.000-08:002011-11-24T14:13:40.529-08:00A Different Kind of New Beginning<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(76, 76, 76); line-height: 20px; font-family:Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;font-size:15px;"><p><strong>"May you accept the past for what it is. May you celebrate what needs to be celebrated and grieve what needs to be grieved. And then, may you receive from God a new Spirit, one for Here - Now - Today."</strong></p><p><strong>-Rob Bell</strong></p></span></div>For those of you that know me, I am a big fan of new beginnings. I've spent all year discovering and rediscovering their beauty. I haven't written since May 26th, and believe me when I say that more has happened than could fit in the space that Gmail provides for its millions of users.<div><br /></div><div>But today was different. Something I couldn't pass up the opportunity to write about.</div><div><br /></div><div>I sit here, sweaty, hair a mess, smelling like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">CLR</span> (yes, the cleaner. "Just <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">CLR</span> it!")</div><div><br /></div><div>Today is a Tuesday, not a Monday, which we often associate with a new week - or beginning. It is not November 1st, which I would have already proclaimed that it is a new month somewhere on my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Facebook</span>. It is not the beginning of a new season, we are in the middle of Fall - and a beautiful one at that.</div><div><br /></div><div>So what is it?</div><div><br /></div><div>Today, for whatever reason, I decided it was time to scrub my bathtub. Not just give it a quick spray and rinse. I'm talking deep clean. This is all compounded by so many other things happening, but today was the day.</div><div><br /></div><div>But, why is this significant?</div><div><br /></div><div>My whole life, I have associated rain and water with being washed clean. But my tub was anything but "clean." (You can run for the hills if it really bothers you).</div><div><br /></div><div>For those of you who know the story that unfolded this Spring, Summer and well into Fall, you know I've been holding onto a burden of guilt, pain, confusion, hurt, and doubt caused by someone I was close to here in Denver. Despite this, I've found so much joy, which is the thing that has been different about this year. I think I'm finally getting a small grasp on the verse that talks about finding joy in your trials. It's not easy. It is a choice. And it doesn't always feel better right away. But, through baby steps and a strong will to believe things will change, things <b><i>do</i></b> change.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes I wonder why I complain about anything. I have a job that pays my bills, I have a family that loves me unconditionally, I have a roof over my head and a warm bed. I have friends that make every aspect of life - good and bad - worth living through. I live in the most beautiful state in the country. And I'm healthy. When was the last time we stopped to be grateful for that?</div><div><br /></div><div>I went to church on Sunday night for the first time in months. Months. Might as well have been years since I've been so disconnected. The most amazing thing about this fact is that God has never once stopped pursuing me. And more often than not, I am listening. No matter where we end up, God is always there, whether we believe it or feel it or not.</div><div><br /></div><div>On Sunday, a man named Peter spoke to us about the trials that his father faced growing up in Russia and fleeing to China as a little boy. His father was beaten as a child, deprived of food, saw both of his parents buried in the same hole before age 5. At age 16, he stood blindfolded in front of a firing squad because he refused to stand on the front lines with a weapon and shoot at people. And yet, God was faithful to direct and orchestrate a story that continued to lead him down the straight and narrow. A journey that was heavy laden with pain, is a journey that has changed lives and turned hearts toward the Creator.</div><div><br /></div><div>And isn't it about the journey and not the destination anyway?</div><div><br /></div><div>My shower has been a vehicle for cleanliness on the outside. But what about what is left behind? The reason we clean is to make new, start fresh, and be able to present something worth showing.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was scrubbing my tub until I was covered in sweat, my hair falling out of its ponytail, remembering all of the things I have washed away in this one small space. But I had let what was left behind remain.</div><div><br /></div><div>Peter spoke about how he was a little child at age 7 listening to parts of his father's story each night before he went to sleep with his siblings surrounding him. He would get mad when his father would speak of being mistreated, sometimes being left for dead. Peter would ask, "Daddy, why didn't you get mad?!" His father would reply, "My son, I could not get mad, I had Jesus." Instead of planting seeds of bitterness, he would plant seeds of gratefulness in the hearts of the children listening to these stories of how he grew up.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was almost done scrubbing the bathtub and heard God say, "You have labored enough my child."</div><div><br /></div><div>But he wasn't talking about the scrubbing. He was talking about my burden. He was telling me to stop doing it on my own. To stop carrying something that is too heavy for just me. To stop allowing what is left behind to build until it breaks me. He was asking me to give it to Him.</div><div><br /></div><div>The problem with our human nature is that we actually try <i>too </i>hard. We think we can do things on our own until our exhaustion from doing so prevents us from functioning at even a fraction of our best.</div><div><br /></div><div>As the water swirled around the tub in the final moments I was cleaning, I let the water rush to the drain to take with it everything I had left to hold onto from my burden. Although it has been a journey to this point, and I'm sure my human mind will not completely forget about what happened this year quite yet, I know that I have released that person to the loving Hands of God. And I wish him well.</div><div><br /></div><div>And in the letting go, we find a different kind of new beginning. One that is not marked by the start of something, but that which is marked by the end of another.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-27276922308858375182011-05-26T19:33:00.000-07:002011-05-26T20:23:37.515-07:00Is It So Simple, my God?<div><i>"Hands, is it worth my work?</i></div><div><i>If it's not with Your eyes, what is it worth?</i></div><div><i>Love, is it worth my time?</i></div><div><i>Cause if it's not with Your heart, it's from my mind."</i></div><div><br /></div><div><b>-Kye Kye "Introduce Myself"</b></div><div><br /></div>My checking account overdrew yesterday. It's the same story of trying to strategically plan my payments to clear the same day my direct deposit drops into my account. Living as a professional commuter makes this difficult sometimes. But, nothing is forever. And I get paid weekly. So it could always be worse.<div><br /></div><div>As I sat in my car on my lunch break trying to figure out how to make it to Friday with $10 in my wallet, all I could think was I could make it work by spending $2 on my lunch and use the remaining 8 to buy enough gas to get me home from work on Thursday night. As I was leaving work later that afternoon, I took a different loop around the mall than I normally do. Stop. Yield. Go. Repeat.</div><div><br /></div><div>And then I saw her standing on the corner at the stoplight.</div><div><br /></div><div>She put her head down and looked at her cardboard sign; a look that revealed the shame she felt that she would have to beg. Her sign said she and her child were in need.</div><div><br /></div><div>I caught a glimpse at the very moment her head sunk to her chest. She put her lips together as if to hold back tears, the same ones she's been holding in the entire time she's been standing there. </div><div><br /></div><div>I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. Here I am wondering how to make it with $8 and she is trying to figure out how to make it with zero. The light turned green, and my car, fourth in line, proceeded to turn left. As my car passed her, it took less than the blink of my eye to feel the tug on my heart to turn back. I turned left and pulled a U at the next light.</div><div><br /></div><div>My car stopped suddenly, half in the bike line, half in the lane of traffic. I flipped on my emergency lights and jumped out. My door slammed behind me and I just started running up the grassy hill to get to her. Why was I running? My car would still be there. She would still be there.</div><div><br /></div><div>But I ran. And it was as if I was running toward my own brokenness.</div><div><br /></div><div>She was startled by my sudden appearance in front of her. But I handed her the $8 I had and apologized that I didn't have more. I grabbed her right arm and told her to take care of herself even though it's hard. She told me God bless. And then I ran back.</div><div><br /></div><div>The breeze was blowing so hard I didn't think I would make it back in one piece. It was as if God had come down in a rushing wind to sweep away the worry that should have gripped me in that moment.</div><div><br /></div><div>I hopped back in my car and pulled away at a speed that felt much slower than it was moving.</div><div><br /></div><div>And I just cried.</div><div><br /></div><div>When will I see that I've never been in want for what I need?</div><div>When will I stop desiring more when God tells me He's enough?</div><div>When will I see that I am only called to give what I already have?</div><div><br /></div><div>I desire more to give more. But does God call me to use a spiritual gift that He has not bestowed upon me?</div><div><br /></div><div>He asks for what I have. Not for what I will have. Not for what I wish I had. What I have now.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sometimes living in the present and fully alive isn't about <i>feeling</i> God's hand in it.</div><div>Sometimes it's about making the sacrifice you don't think you can and trusting that you've done all your human spirit is capable of doing.</div><div><br /></div><div>And in this, you will find that it's not even by your own spirit you could do it. It is the Spirit of Christ that dwells within.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>.</div>Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-13255282584316374402011-03-31T18:08:00.001-07:002011-03-31T18:09:29.151-07:00The Phoneless Socialite<div style="text-align: left; ">I am indeed a phoneless socialite.</div><div><br /></div><div>My phone fell out of my lap into a parking lot on Saturday night and I didn't realize it until I tried calling it and guy picked up and said it had been run over by car and he had it with him. I have phone insurance - but it does me little good when they tell me my phone is backordered for up to 7-10 business days. 10 business days means two weeks from the day my phone died!Gahh!</div><div><br /></div><div>The timing of something like this is never ideal, but especially right now. I met a guy on Thurs that I really like and he had my number and I didn't have his...and then my phone was crushed to death. It's laughable to a point, as I'm sure it's not the end of the world. But like I said: phoneless socialite.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've been making the best of this situation by enjoying the quiet and alone time. Today I went to my favorite breakfast place <a href="http://www.eatmorejelly.com/">JELLY!</a> to get lunch. I've been there a handful of times and made friends with the staff on day 1. I saw Randy today who gave me a hug and told me to enjoy the alone time. I sat at the breakfast bar and met a girl named Regan who served me. She happened to grow up in Alameda, CA which is where I was born! One of the cooks, David, came out and I told him he made a mean breakfast. He introduced himself and told me about how he opened 2 restaurants in the Bay Area, then one in Seattle and made his way to Denver because this is where he wants to be.</div><div><br /></div><div>Capitol Hill is by far my favorite place in all of the downtown area because you meet people just from walking down the street. I love how downtown used to be so foreign to me and I would get lost all the time, but now I know the sequence of streets going East-West and don't need a phone to navigate anymore. There's one positive despite being phoneless :)</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><br /></span></div><div>A lot of times when I'm out by myself I tend to surf facebook on my phone or do other things on the internet, but today I didn't have that. I watched a group of 8 people eat their meals together and listened to their laughter. I loved it. Community is such an important part of life even if it's not for the purpose of being at church. A lot of times, the conversations and experiences outside of church bring different life perspectives and wisdom together and in that, the face of God is revealed to me. Brokenness is a common theme among all of us. Let's share it. And work through it. And heal from it.</div><div><br /></div><div>There is a guy eating by himself across the way from me and he's surfing his phone. Sometimes I wish that every time I went somewhere, I could sit down with a stranger and just start talking to them. Social norms work against this desire, but I want to help change that. What would it look like if we ate with or talked to a stranger every day? Talk about community.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's been easy for a lot of my Christian friends to tell me the reason my phone broke is because God thinks I need a break from it, or need be less dependent on it. I'm not going to get into this argument too much here. Maybe being without one for 5 days and counting is a good thing, but I think the way we go through life - with or without a phone - should be consistent. Maybe God broke my phone? Maybe it's for my well-being? Maybe the guy I met was bad news and God knows something about him that I don't? Or maybe it just happened? TBD...</div><div><br /></div><div>On my 2 hour walk around downtown I got Pinkberry for dessert. My fave! Mango yogurt with raspberries, blueberries and chocolate chips was today's order. I filled out a survey for them and got two coupons for free Pinkberry. My day would've been complete at this point. But I left and just a couple blocks later a man named Eddie was sitting against a building and pointed at me and started dancing. He saw I had my headphones in and so I started dancing toward him. I took one headphone out and he laughed and he told me I "got it going on." Haha, it was so fun. I only had $1 left in my wallet and I gave it to him after he declined my offer of a raspberry. Normally I wouldn't blame him, but raspberries are my new favorite fruit, so I guess it was win-win because I got to eat my extra raspberry and he wanted the dollar instead. He had the best laugh. I couldn't help but smile.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish I had a moral of the story for this entry. Maybe it's that I am not a slave to technology (as I type this on my new Mac?), maybe it's stop and talk to people on the street, maybe it's about community. Or maybe it's all of them. I met 3 new people, got to listen to great music, walked four miles in my saffron yellow cord TOMS, and danced with a homeless man. Great day, great day.</div><div><br /></div><div>p.s. The JELLY! jelly flavor of the day was raspberry!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>.</div>Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-38400542839374590112011-03-30T17:23:00.000-07:002011-03-30T17:54:19.685-07:00Changing of the Seasons....<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 20px; font-family:Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;font-size:15px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"And I didn't know who I really was, that I'd been locked up just because.<br />I didn't know what freedom was, but now I do."</span></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">-The Colorful Quiet "I Didn't Know"</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">A lot has changed in 9 months. Especially the last 4. And </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">especially</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> the last one.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Spring has finally sprung and there are no words for me to describe this feeling I have. I have been waiting for this Season since June and God has so faithfully carried me when I needed and guided me when I was running circles around my guilt. In the last month, there hasn't been a day that's gone by where I didn't stop suddenly and just beam. Because I am exactly where I'm supposed to be doing exactly what I'm supposed to be and able to become the woman God has destined me to be.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I have an incredible job with amazing people that I absolutely love - and I get to do it living in a place that I am in love with. In the words of one of my associates, "Shannon, you're in a city you're </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">obsessed</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> with." I do love it here, but I think no matter where I have lived or will live, I go out and explore. It's what I love doing. I'm meeting new people every week without limitation. When I think about the fact that I may have been at a different life stage, getting ready to spend the rest of my life with someone - I can't imagine being there right now. I am still soaking up the sunshine on my days off, dreaming, growing, hoping, praying, trusting, and surrendering. Every step I have ever taken has been guided and overseen by the Divine Creator. When I get scared or ask why or wonder what is next, He gently reminds me that if I knew all that is to come I would miss out on the joys of now. There is something beautiful about being fully present in the present.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">All of the experiences I've had up until now have prepared me for such a time as this. And the timing of it all is so perfect. Had I entered the job I do now last summer, I wouldn't have grown into my role the way I have. And God knew that. He knew everything that would happen going forward last May on the day that I stood at my college graduation and the chancellor said, "I imagine you're not the same person you were four years ago..." And I know that 3 years from now, I will feel that way again.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">I drove my friend Kelly to the airport this morning before the sun rose and after I dropped her off I passed a jumbo jet heading toward the runway. I had a particular song on and I always do this thing where I want something dramatic to happen - like a plane taking off? - right at the best part of the song. I kept rewinding and looking in my rear view mirror for the plane to take off. After a few minutes I didn't understand why the plane hadn't taken off. It was 6:47am and surely that plane was behind schedule because I've booked my fair share of flights, shopping those early 6:00 or 6:30 flights...</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">And then all of the sudden I looked out my front windshield and there it was, it had taken off and was headed upward. I had missed the take-off because I was so busy looking behind me. And it hit me that I no longer have to look backward - ever. Because I will miss everything that's ahead. Being present in the present.</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Sometimes I see the lines on the faces of older folks and wonder what has caused the seasons of change in their life. Every line has a story, a sadness, a joy to be told. Tales of loss, success, dreams realized, and lessons learned. I hope that most of my lines will come from laughing - or at least finding a way to smile through the difficult times.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Every place God has ever taken me has been for my well-being, even when it hasn't always been a smooth ride. Suffering has been promised to me, a concept that I know sounds foolish to most. The path will not always make sense, and what is to come will not always be revealed - but I hold onto this promise: </span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal; font-family:'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 6px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:37-39</span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif;font-size:15px;"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">Redemption and freedom from trying to do it on my own is the reason for every smile, for every laugh, and for every moment that I stop in the middle of a great conversation with friends and realize that the only thing that matters is the here and now. I refuse to let these moments pass without a grateful heart and a smile on my face. Don't let the moments you can't get back escape without a chance to experience their beauty.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">"I think I'm ready to leap, I'm ready to live, I'm ready to go."</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; font-family:'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:small;">.</span></span></div></span></span></span></div></span>Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-27388020965530566922011-03-01T13:30:00.000-08:002011-03-13T12:34:17.192-07:00Mascarpone is the New Black<strong>"If the Divine Creator has taken pains to give us delicious and exquisite things to eat, the least we can do is prepare them well and serve them with ceremony."</strong><br /><br /><strong>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Fernand</span> Point</strong><br /><br /><br />Food. Such a simple necessity, yet it all awaits its discovery.<br /><br /><br />I spent the better part of February and now early March discovering Denver's finest restaurants and eateries. Colt & Gray, Steuben's, Vine Street Pub, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Lala's</span> Wine Bar + Pizzeria, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Panzano</span>, and Jelly! - just to name a few.<br /><br />Chicken apple sausage, made-to-order cinnamon sugar donut holes, bacon grilled cheese, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">mascarpone</span>-arugula pesto spread, Baked ricotta stuffed rigatoni with red pepper pesto, brown butter gnocchi, peach jelly, chocolate <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">cannolis</span> over black cherry sauce, and Dr. Loosen <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Riesling</span>. Oh, must I continue? My mouth is starting to water!<br /><br />A native of San <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Francisco</span>, you would think I would have tried it all. But I grew up a picky eater - and some people wonder how I've lived.<br /><br />It's a valid question, and one that I dared myself to challenge in 2011. With all of the exciting things ahead of me in my life, I figured I would add the uncharted territory of food to the mix. And I certainly haven't been disappointed.<br /><br />When I went off to college in August of 2005, I had only ever tried 5 kinds of fruit: apple, banana, grape, watermelon, and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">cantaloupe</span>. WHAT? No..ORANGE? Yes, no orange. I have distinct memories of my dad chasing me at half-time during little league soccer games to eat one. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">NEVAHHHHHH</span>!!!! I was a defiant eater of sorts.<br /><br />My lack of risk taking (but let's be honest, an orange to most people is not risk) in trying foods is almost <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">humerous</span> when I look at how I take risks in all other areas of my life. I'm not really afraid of the unknown when it comes to anything else - so why food? Perhaps this is a phenomenon I will continue to discover the answer to as I explore the possibilities. The only thing I know right now is that I sniff EVERYTHING I eat, and God gave me an acute sense of smell. What I'm finding is that acute sense makes new flavors <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">unbelievable</span>!<br /><br />But the common theme I've found each time I dine is that I discover another facet of beauty. And it's not just in the food. It's mostly in the conversations. With friends. With bartenders. With servers. And with strangers. The times I dine alone are the most profound, because <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">every time</span> I do, I meet someone new. I'm more comfortable eating alone and making conversation with the guy serving me than I am eating a mushroom smothered in brown butter sauce. Perhaps there's something strangely beautiful about that.<br /><br />Being young (almost 24 - eek!) and single, the freedom and possibilities are endless! And I can't say I've minded a few drinks and dinners paid for by strangers either. I swear I don't make conversation for free food, it really is because I want to get to know the person. But surely big curls and mascara help :) I'm kidding!<br /><br />Just yesterday I was at Vine Street Pub with a friend. We walked around uptown (17<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">th</span>) for 20 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">mins</span> while we waited for it to open at 4. We walked past my next adventures of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">il</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Posto</span>, Thin Man Tavern, St. Mark's Coffeehouse, D Bar Desserts, Strings, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Limon</span>, and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Pasquini's</span> Pizzeria. We sat at the Vine Street Pub bar and it was there that I discovered the "Create your own Grilled Cheese." Bacon, pesto, mushrooms, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">avocado</span>, you name it! The bacon grilled cheese on buttered bread paired with green chili chicken enchilada soup.<br /><br />Mouth. Watering.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">Every time</span> I asked our server Andy what he thought about something on the menu, he used an exciting adjective, and said it in a way that made you want to order it. And he did that for EVERYTHING - the hops in the beer, the soup, the burger, the grilled cheese. Fantastic, delicious, amazing - it made me want one of everything.<br /><br />I topped off my meal with a slice of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">Quoddy</span> Mousse Pie in a small to-go box with a "to-go fork" - in the words of our adjective-loving server Andy. Dark chocolate cookie crumb crust, a layer of chocolate torte, a layer of chocolate mousse, and topped with white chocolate cream fluff. I ate it while we walked on 17<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">th</span> again so I didn't feel so guilty. We passed by a small boutique called Peppermint, and the only reason why we stopped was because there was the cutest dress on a mannequin outside. I may or may not have purchased it.<br /><br />But, inside I met <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Tymla</span>, Stephanie, and her husband Chris who all worked for the same company. Peppermint has a brother store next door for men, and then there is a place called Pandora on 13<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">th</span> near the Capitol building. Over the better part of an hour, we shared stories, laughed, and acquired new revelations about the purpose of the life experiences we've had. And all just for walking through the door. This is what I've loved about my food adventures. Someplace, someone, and something new every single time.<br /><br />The newness of these adventures hardly leaves room for boredom; routines have no place. The exciting thing about where I am in life right now is I get to decide where I spend my time and with whom I spend it.<br /><br />And can I just say that I'm having the absolute time of my life?!<br /><br />I swear I was born for living in the heart of a city downtown!<br /><br />I know that someday, I'm going to meet that person that shares the same love of adventure. We'll take the risks together. And <em>we're</em> going to have the absolute time of our lives.<br /><br />Until then, I can't wait to try <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">Crème</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">brûlée</span>.<br /><br /><br />.Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-38421622126285648412011-02-02T19:00:00.000-08:002011-02-02T20:37:07.126-08:00If Christians Can't Love Like Jesus, Who Can?<strong>And he has given us this command: Those who love God must also love their brother and sister.</strong><br /><strong>-1 John 4:21</strong><br /><br />I'm a little torn right now. I've been watching FOX News, which most of you know I watch regularly - and Sean Hannity just had a radical Muslim, Anjem Choudary, as his guest. Oooh, I used the word radical - so not PC.<br /><br />As you can imagine, the two disagreed as much as humanly possible. Sean Hannity is a self-proclaimed Christian - he just said it on a later segment. So he's a Christian. But here's the thing, after he was done shouting back and forth with Anjem he said this: Alright, well thanks for joining us, you're one sick and twisted S.O.B."<br /><br />NOTE: to my political critics who say I am a radical conservative, please keep in mind I am criticizing someone I watch regularly on a right of center network.<br /><br />Hannity's comment really caught me by surprise and really put me off. As a Christian I proclaim the love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ and what that means for my life, and I have a hard time imagining that saying something like that would convey this message. Thoughts?<br /><br />No one is without fault, especially me. Today while driving to work I was convicted by how I "talk" to other drivers while I'm in my car. I'm glad my own child wasn't in the backseat. Of all the places I spend my time, I curse more behind the wheel of my car than I do in every other place I spend time <em>combined</em>. This is a problem.<br /><br />First, most of this language stems from the fact that the person in front of me is driving too slow (which is usually the speed limit). I know I've gotten a handful of speeding tickets, but please drive at least 5 over :) So what is it in me that feels the need to yell at the person in front of me for following the law? I use the same words toward them as I do the people who cut me off or worse, almost cause a collision that wouldn't be my fault. So I'm going to get mad because someone is following the law. Makes sense. NOT.<br /><br />Those same people behind the wheels of their own cars would be people I would flash a smile if I walked by them in the mall. They're the same people I would offer to help carry their groceries to their car. They're the same people I would open a fitting room for at J.Crew. They're the same people I would spend time with at church.<br /><br />My best friend is a much better drive than me. She drives the speed limit, safely changes lanes, and follows the two-second rule on the freeway 99.9% of the time. Sadly, if I didn't know she was behind the wheel of the car in front of me, I might say some of those nasty things to her. Reality Check 101.<br /><br />People I work with wouldn't know I do this because I really don't say the F, S, B, and D words. I am being so PC. The kids I volunteered with wouldn't know I do this because I don't say them there either. My mom, who will eventually read this blog, doesn't know that I say F-ing idiot behind the wheel because I don't say it to her or in front of her.<br /><br />The point is: whether to a person's face or behind their back, what we say matters. It really matters more what we say when no one hears it. God hears it - "even darkness will not be dark to You...for darkness is as light to You." Even in the secret, everything is exposed. I am called to Love my neighbor as myself. I am called to go one step further and be a servant to my neighbor. The "I am third" rule. God first, others second, me third. So what would it look like to serve a stranger who is driving in front of me on I-25? I think it might start with encouragement, as strange as that sounds. I mean, how can you even do that when you don't even know them and you can't even see their face? That's another thing, I glare at people as I pass them after waiting for them to move to the right. Yikes. Talk about being open about my struggles.<br /><br />Maybe it's praying for that person, for whatever they're going through - that their day would be blessed by the presence of God. I'm pretty sure people can't see the face of Christ as my face frowns and glares at them for being obedient to the Law. (The Bible also addresses obedience to the laws of the government.) Like I said, yikes.<br /><br />So Sean Hannity vehemently disagreed with his Muslim guest - but I can only imagine that Jesus's words would speak truth in love: That He is the only way to Heaven, that there is nothing that can separate Anjem Choudary from His love, and that He longs to know Anjem intimately because He loves him.<br /><br />So maybe that is where I should start when I'm behind the wheel of my car.Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-90612948168737150042011-01-19T17:00:00.000-08:002011-01-19T21:26:52.491-08:002011: All Things New<p><strong>"May you accept the past for what it is. May you celebrate what needs to be celebrated and grieve what needs to be grieved. And then, may you receive from God a new Spirit, one for Here - Now - Today."</strong></p><p><strong>-Rob Bell</strong></p><p>I have been away from the blogosphere for awhile...but so much has happened that this tug on my heart from God to share can no longer be ignored... A couple weeks ago I was at dinner with my best friend and told her, "I'm one of the most self-reflective people I know." She nodded her head in agreement so hard that the beanie on her head almost fell off :)</p><p>It's not that I didn't want to blog, I think it was more that there was so much happening that I almost didn't have time to be reflective. And more so, I believe that the reflection had to reach a culmination before I would be ready to share. It is hard to impart wisdom and learning through struggle when you are just trying to catch your breath. But now that my healing has reached this point, I believe I have much more to share.</p><p>Many of you know the events that occured in my life in 2010, more specifically in the second half of the year. And with a greatful heart, I am able to leave those events in the year 2010. I have spent months of praying - even pleading - to just move on. When you give a piece of yourself to another person thinking one day you will be married, no matter what, it is going to hurt for awhile - especially when it meant so much to me. And he knew it. And he still sunk to the lowest level when he addressed that part of it. But I have not forgotten that I am called to forgive, even if I will never forget.</p><p>Onward!</p>On September 11th, I went to Big Brain tattoo a few blocks from my apartment in Omaha and got my first tattoo. It was something I had wanted for so long - the word "Redeemed" on my wrist. On my wrist because that is where Jesus was pierced on the Cross, and the word "Redeemed" because God has had to redeem me from specific things - and more than once. That morning I prayed on the way to work about my tattoo and what verse it was coming from. I had read this verse before but I just couldn't remember the reference. It was a hard morning, and working didn't seem all that appealing - even at J.Crew. Because at that time J.Crew > Gallup x 1,000,000. I went on my break in the afternoon and went to my car. I just cried. My bible was on the passenger seat and I picked it up. I randomly opened it and it landed in Isaiah 43, more specifically to the page where I had underlined verses 18-19. God had made a way for the Israelites out of Egypt and told them not to look back. He addressed his faithfulness in saying that if He can make a way for them, He can make a way through whatever trail you're facing. "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you see it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."<br /><br />I had read that verse so many times. So in my stubbornness I just cried harder. I didn't believe it. Here is the thing. I underline EVERYTHING I read that impacts me and put a date by it. So I noticed the page on the right had a few things underlined in Isaiah 44. I started reading in verse 21: "Remember these things, O Jacob, for you are my servant, O Israel. I have made you, you are my servant; O Israel, I will not forget you."<br /><br />And then verse 22, which only the first part was viewable on the page. "I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist." I turned the page and read, <strong>"Return to me, for I have redeemed you."</strong> It was dated 4-18-08. I <em>sobbed.</em> That was 3 days before my 21st birthday and I remember so vividly why I had read that verse. I couldn't accept the redemption God was offering me then, and I realized that I wasn't accepting it now. I had prayed earlier that morning for the verse I had read that was the entire basis for the tattoo. And there it was.<br /><br />He had redeemed my sin.<br /><br />He had redeemed my brokenness.<br /><br />He had redeemed my Soul.<br /><br />It was then that things began to change, however slowly.<br /><br /><span style="color:#000000;">Too often, we wait to step forward in faith that healing will come because we feel like we're not ready or that we must have it all together. That somehow, we have to feel better before we can be <em>made</em> better. But Redemption would have never come in the form of the Savior if God had waited for his people down on Earth to get their crap together. And accepting redemption doesn't mean that we feel better overnight. It took me until January 1st, 2011 to reach the end of the healing journey.</span><br /><br /><p>A very long story short, my job at Gallup was a terrible fit. I am a people person, a relationship builder, and an encourager. All of these things were lost in my data oriented job. So on October 20th I made the decision to move back to Denver. Talk about swallowing my pride! October 22nd was my last day and on November 1st I moved back home. It was so obvious from the moment I arrived back that this is where I am supposed to be.</p><p>I felt ok most of November and in December, but Christmas was hard. Christmas amplifies any and everything you feel - for better or worse. But instead of fighting it, I let it hurt. I remembered that new life had come and that like every struggle I have faced in my life, it too shall pass. A birthday came and went after Christmas, and then it was New Year's Eve. I spent it with a dear friend in my favorite restaurant (surrounded by other friends) and we reflected on all that God had done in the past year. Because as bad as I thought I had it with my struggle, she had it much worse. But instead of spending the night dwelling on what was lost, we celebrated that which had been redeemed. I went to sleep with a grateful heart, knowing that soon I would awake with a renewed Spirit - a Spirit that was able to live in freedom.</p><p>And then it happened.</p><p>New Year's Day. I woke up and I just felt <em>different</em>.</p><p>My soul had moved on. There are no words that could suffice in a novice blog to explain to you what it feels like. It just feels free. New life was HERE.</p><p>Christmas has always been my favorite holiday - ALWAYS. Of all my friends, I put up my tree the earliest (on or around October 6th) and start listening to Christmas music the earliest (on or around October 1st). And I am totally ok with it! Because Christmas is about a new birth, a new beginning, freedom and redemption. And this is the story God has written in my own life. In the first chapter of Matthew, the Lord tells Joseph that Mary will give birth to a son and he will be called "Immanuel" which means "God with us." New life was coming and would always be HERE. I went to Denver Community Church on December 12th and the pastor kept saying GOD. IS. HERE. We often say this in the form of a question, "God is here?" Because there are times when it feels like He is nowhere to be found. When we feel Him near we say "God is here." A statement. But Christmas is about a proclamation, "God is here!" We exclaim the new life, the Love everlasting that is <em>here to stay.</em></p><p>For a new beginning, you must let it hurt. You must surrender. And you must know that God loves you more than anything. One of the biggest things I learned in 2010 is that our healing is in God's timing. And God's timing, though not our own, is so perfect. If we deny the hurt, we inhibit the ability of God's Hands to mold and shape us through it. It hurts for a reason. It means you tried for something. It means you were in it. It means you invested love into it. And <em>nobody</em> can tell you when you should move on. Because it is God's timing. And in His time, He has and will always make all things new.</p>Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-28682524433884167422010-08-25T09:37:00.002-07:002010-08-25T09:42:20.910-07:00holding steadfast in the unknownSometimes, you come across something that says everything you want to say. This article hits so close to home, that I could not have written it better myself. So for today, I will let someone else sing so perfectly the words that are flowing from the depths of my soul...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/22439-finding-god-in-unanswered-questions">http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/deeper-walk/features/22439-finding-god-in-unanswered-questions</a><br /><br /><br />"The LORD will fight for you;<br />you need only to be still."<br /><br />-- Exodus 14:14Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-81182644790547738982010-08-16T21:51:00.000-07:002010-08-16T22:52:00.470-07:00where i come from, rain is a good thing<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2A8W1kmUKj9-Q-J5UAiHnl1ukbkDg089FeJtssO6D1PwuoJYsUHxmisVP1U-v46bpJ73jcn6Hu_wG8xeZFO17Mf5Em9oYEWwBcbfpSyzXqIENB6cs4q5TcV43-M47AL0NTjTctaVOO3I/s1600/IMG_2668.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 214px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5506248614002046098" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2A8W1kmUKj9-Q-J5UAiHnl1ukbkDg089FeJtssO6D1PwuoJYsUHxmisVP1U-v46bpJ73jcn6Hu_wG8xeZFO17Mf5Em9oYEWwBcbfpSyzXqIENB6cs4q5TcV43-M47AL0NTjTctaVOO3I/s320/IMG_2668.jpg" /></a> Tonight my Omaha besties came over and helped me move furniture around since my new couch was delivered. The couch was a honker in my living room. We had to figure out how we were going to get it right, so we labored until perfection. We had a blast, because we added to the mix: me trying on a new dress, trying to figure out which pair of 4" heels would look best, adding new quotes to our quote book, and opening the windows when it started to rain. Orpheum has eight-foot windows against 11-foot walls. It's incredible. So we sat up on the back of the couch and just watched it rain, like three peas in a pod.<br /><div><br /><div>They were leaving a little after 11pm to head down to the Foundation which is only 3 blocks from my apt. It was raining and I decided I wanted to walk in it with them down to the bar and then walk back.</div><br /><div>We got outside and I immediately took off my flip flops. I've been reading Rob Bell's <strong>Velvet Elvis</strong> and one of my favorite parts is when it talks about the moments you realize you are standing on holy ground. Moments that you can't do anything but go barefoot because God is there and God is real and the beauty around you calls for your feet to be one with the ground. It's such a beautiful illustration of recognizing God's presence in all things and being humbled by it so much that you just have to take off your shoes.</div><br /><div>I walked smack in the middle of Harney St., a one-way street heading due East. I threw my head back and danced. With my flip flops in hand, and spiraled curls twisting more with every drop, I was a child. The bible speaks about faith like a child, and I want that. And I want to enjoy life like a child. Children don't worry about when the next paycheck is coming, where they will go to college, what they will do with their life, or if someone likes them or not. They. Are. Free.</div><br /><div>And so this life in Omaha is me - with faith like a child. Taking a leap without knowing when I'll hit the ground. It is the most incredibly awesome ride I have been on in so long. I just feel alive. God has been so faithful in restoring my heart each day that I awake by His grace. It it not happiness - it is joy, and I am peaceful. It is a steady rhythm of grace that flows through my soul despite grieving and confusion and wondering. Life with God is like a scary roller coaster ride, but you get to scream with <strong>excitement</strong> the <em>entire</em> time.</div><br /><div>So I left The Foundation and I walked back in the middle of the street again. This time talking out loud to Jesus. It was a simple prayer, but more just a conversation, like with an old friend.</div><br /><div>I said, "Lord, I know You know what I miss when I walk through this rain, but thank You for being bigger than the intensity with which I long for it. Thank you for taking this rain and washing me clean with Your love. Thank you for taking me out of that which I was too weak to move away from by my own strength. Thank You for loving me too much to let me stay where I was. Your love is better than life."</div><br /><div>I turned back to look at the stop lights behind me, changing to green from red one by one. </div><br /><div>"Lord, I don't want to leave this moment."</div><br /><div>I shivered (because I am ALWAYS cold). I laughed out loud,</div><br /><div>"Ok, now I do. Thank You that I'm always cold. Someone once told me 'cold hands, warm heart,' and I want that warmth to show others Your love."</div><br /><div>I reached my apartment, soaking wet, with the biggest smile from ear to ear. His love really is better than life.</div><br /><br /><div></div><div>And to Kelly: "This is me appreciating life!"</div><div></div></div>Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-10801971337889281392010-08-14T01:57:00.000-07:002010-08-14T03:31:04.664-07:00anybody can quit - that's easy"This is a good sign - having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something"<br />-Elizabeth Gilbert, <em>Eat Pray Love</em><br /><br />I am beginning this blog at 3:57am.. blogger says 1:57am but it is a LI-AR! The posting times are never right on this thing... Short story with long to follow...counseling this morning, lunch with Patrick at the UP building, work from 1-4pm, dinner at Tanduri Indian Cuisine, Eat Pray Love, conversation at Anne's house until 1:15am, met Kelly and Emily at The Foundation before closing at 2, and then talked in a parking lot a block from my apt until 3. And now I am blogging! The city is so beautifully calm at this hour...<br /><br />Where to begin?<br /><br />I tried Indian food for the first time tonight! EVER. EVAH. And I liked it - I loved it. Mint chutney. Meat samosa. And get me some more of that Chicken Tikka Makhani, please! Seriously people, I think I am becoming a foodie - but mostly in the food discovery kind of way. My momma would be proud!<br /><br />I shared this amazing meal with five extraordinary women who all have their own story to tell. And it was incredible sitting there at times and just <em>listening</em>. I was taking it all in, and then it happened. This thing that happens every once in awhile. You have to be in the moment and be aware enough to recognize it. It happens when you're sitting around a table with a group of people, and you're soaking in the moment, and all the stories, and the laughs, and the hurts, and the dashed hopes, and the new hopes - the moment it hits you that this is life, and we're all going to be okay. It's so real, that you feel the need to close your eyes and burn it into your memory that in that moment, you realized "we're going to make it." And the "what ifs" and the "whys" don't really matter much anymore. Because there is incredible hope in God's promise to restore that which was lost.<br /><br />For the first time in over 18 months, I am reading my bible daily - and with a completely surrendered soul. With this has come unspeakable joy, despite pain and confusion and loneliness. God has revealed Himself to me in ways I have never experienced, and I can feel the ways in which He is molding my heart. The other day I thought about how God continues to show up in the most unexpected ways and places. But then I posed this question: is it that God is showing up or is it that He is already there and refocusing my eyes to recognize Him in all facets of life? Overwhelmingly, it must be the latter. Because God is Sovereign over all things, and He is omnipresent. And how can my human eyes see His greatness if He has not played a part in helping me see Him? This is what God is changing in me.<br /><br />I am reading Velvet Elvis again by Rob Bell, and it somehow resonates with me more today than the last two times I read it. The talk about building community, healing by the hand of God, what real restoration of a broken heart looks like; I can't help but feel like I'm living this out each day that I am here in Omaha. Rob Bell said this in the chapter called Healing:<br /><br />"It is possible to be a good Christian and go to church services and sing the right songs and jump through the right hoops and never let Jesus heal your soul...I am learning that very few people actually live from their heart. Very few live connected with their soul. And those few who do the difficult work, who stare their junk in the face, who get counsel, who let Jesus into all of the rooms in their soul that no one ever goes in, they make a difference. They are coming from such a different place that their voices inevitably get heard above the others. They are pursuing wholeness and peace in Christ, and it's contagious."<br /><br />Wow.<br /><br />Have you been there, though? Where you go through the motions and yet your soul is just dying for a drink of water. And the things you try to do satisfy for a fleeting moment but the thirst just lingers. Eventually, you come to a breaking point. And I have experienced that. And now I'm letting Jesus into all the rooms of my soul, and the peace of Christ that transcends all understanding (as talked about in Philippians 4:7) is invading my heart. What good am I to others if I am an empty vessel? Or worse, I've got stuff that I need to stare straight in the face but choose not to deal with it. Yes - broken, fearful, confused people have been used by God to change the world, and that is the point! The process in which He transforms those fears and the brokenness and confusion is what will lead others to Him. And lately, I have found that when I am delighting in the Lord and following His lead for my life, there is joy in the midst of pain. There is laughing in the midst of crying. There is comfort in the midst of longing. And there is SO much to look forward to.<br /><br />5:14am and I'm ready to wake up again.Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8457369904021384174.post-43857734083305536312010-08-12T17:14:00.000-07:002010-08-12T16:36:21.137-07:00take me back to the start"...but when Perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a (wo)man, I put childish ways behind me."<br />-1 Corinthians 13:10-11<br /><br />Hello from Omaha!!<br /><br />In honor of this new journey I have embarked on, I am starting a new blog as well. For those of you who know me best, the title of my blog is very fitting. I'm a big girl now, and the things of my past that have held me back must be put to rest. And that includes the shopping. Since I moved to Omaha on July 6th, I have spent a total of $50 on any clothing whatsoever, and half of it is from three final sale...what shall I call them...big girl bras from Gap! They're not like the basic ones I have.. haha :)<br /><br />This terrible addiction, at its root, stemmed from a dissatisfaction with some things in my life. And instead of bringing them under God's control, I have let them interfere with what is really important. But things are a changin'! Including the fact that I have been to TWO - yes TWO - country concerts since I moved here. Brooks & Dunn and Dierks Bentley. Omaha rules.<br /><br />Also, I got back into running 2 weeks ago! Amazingly after 18 months sans running, I basically told my knee to bite me and went on my first run - and it felt great! Even after going 5 miles. Yes, it was really an out of body experience. I just couldn't stop, and I loved running under the lights of downtown. The 18-month layoff must have given it the time it needed to heal. So now I'm running. And doing a push-up/sit-up challenge against the guys at Gallup. And circuit training. I mean seriously, WHAT is going on here?! But with all of the fitness resources offered at Gallup, it would be crazy not to. The greatest part is seeing the toned body I once had as a soccer player...and knowing it will end up even better than that, since I won't be bulking up for competition! Looking good = feeling good! :)<br /><br />Recent events have somewhat forced me to press my heart into God. It has been challenging, and so unexpected. But the ways in which God continues to mold and renew my heart are simply breathtaking. His love is better than life. So - join me in this new chapter! I hope you find encouragement, learning, and ultimately my prayer is that you consider getting to know your Creator better as I grow in my own walk.Shannon Gaylehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07308789939987271479noreply@blogger.com1